RALPH Speaks

Why Are You Looking At Me?

I tell you dogs get no respect.

Mutts get even less respect.

Everyone was sitting around watching the hockey game and suddenly…

Yelling, screaming and carrying on.

They found poop on the couch.

They all looked at me.

I looked at them.

They looked at me.

I looked at them.

I could have done this all week.

But then they scooped me up and put me in my crate.

What ever happened to trial by a jury of my peers.

I guarantee you – if you put 12 dogs in a jury box, they would have found me innocent.

I didn’t do it.

Well, I don’t remember doing it.

But it could have been one of them too.

Look, would I poop right in the middle of my favorite place to nap?

I tell you, “I’m innocent!”

As soon as I get out of this crate, I’m going to call my lawyer and sue them for humiliation.

Okay, all humans try this.

Stick your tongue out.

Breathe out through your mouth.

Now roll over.

You humans are pathetic.

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