Top 5 Things to do After the End of the World - The Dogington Post
RALPH Speaks

Top 5 Things to do After the End of the World

I’ve gotta tell you guys, I’m a little excited for the “end of the world.”

Of course I’ll miss my human. I do love belly rubs. And food. Oh, the sound of my food going into the bowl, the smell of deliciousness floating through the air and into my nose, the drool building up on my tongue, the first tasty morsel that —

Sorry, I got a little sidetracked there.

Anyway, I’m looking forward to this end of the world stuff. Here’s why:

No. More. Rules.

That’s right. I can do what I want, when I want, and how I want. And there won’t be anybody, anywhere to tell me otherwise. For example:

1. Bark all Night!
There won’t be any of those silly noise ordinances. No pesky neighbors shuffling outside in the middle of the night, yelling for me to keep it down. Nope. Just me and my voice box, free to shout out with reckless abandon whenever I choose!

2. Chew all the Shoes in the House!
Sneakers, flip-flops, high heels, flats! I’ll eat them all! Especially the ones way up high in the closet – I’ve been eyeing those for years! In fact… before all you dog parents go wherever it is you’re going, would you mind just moving those special shoes to the floor?

3. Eat As Many Treats as I Want!
I guess they call them treats because they’re sooo good, and because I only get one every now and then, like after I perform some stupid trick. But, when the people are all gone, the treats are all mine!

4. Eat the Couch!
Fabric. Foam. Solid wood construction. All the things I love! Since I was a tiny pup, I’ve been trying to get my teeth around that couch. My time has finally come!

5. All the Things that Make Humans Mad!
I’ll drag my bottom across the white carpet. I’ll chase the cat. I’ll fart in the bedroom. I’ll pee on the rug. I’ll take up as much room on the bed as I want. I’ll go running at full speed, right through the screen door! I’ll go walking without a leash. I’ll poop in the neighbor’s yard!

Oh the possibilities are endless.

So… when is this supposed to happen again? I’m waiting….

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