RALPH Speaks

Dogs Don’t Fetch Newspapers Anymore

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As we move into the computer age it’s about time someone told you the truth.

Dogs don’t fetch newspapers anymore.

The newsprint they use these days leaves a terrible taste in our mouths.  And now, most companies wrap their newspapers in plastic to protect against the elements.

Do you want us exposed to a choking hazard? I didn’t think so.

And the newsprint comes off on our fur? Do you want to be cleaning us all the time?

Look, take your average newspaper.

It’s filled with bad news.

Is that what you need to be filling your head with?


The real news is on the Internet.


Personally, I have my dog parent set me up in front of the computer and then I can surf the web as I please.

My favorite site is watching dog videos on YouTube.

Then I hit the news channels to catch up on what’s going on.

Then I’ll go a

nd catch up on some humor sites.  Sometimes when I give a speech, I need to drop a little joke in here and there.
So before you develop some unhealthy expectations let me clue you in.

That newspaper out there in your driveway… it has germs on it.

You want me to put that in my mouth?

And you yell at me when I eat my own poop?

You hypocrite!

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