RALPH Speaks

How Come Humans Shake Hands?

I do not understand humans at all.

They pride themselves on knowledge.

While we dogs howl at the moon, they go to the moon.

While we dogs loaf around the backyard, they build boats to take them around the world so they can loaf in someone else’s backyard.

But the number one thing I don’t get about humans is…

What is this shaking hands thing?

Not only do they shake hands, they want us to shake hands too.

Like that’s real.

When is the last time you saw two dogs meet on the street and shake hands?

It never happened and never will.

Because we are the smarter breed.

When I meet another dog, I want to know everything about them instantly.

And I do it by smelling their butt.

What they had for lunch yesterday? I know it.

Whether they are male or female? I know it.

Whether they might be interested in a little doggie panky? I got it covered.

All from one quick smell of the tush.

I’ve tried to teach this to my dog parent but he’s a slow learner.

He’s still trying to teach me to shake the paw.

If the truth be told, I got it the first time but I don’t have the heart to turn down the treats he gives me.

I know. Humans are slow.

Speaking of slow humans, check out what the geniuses have planned at the Westminster Purebred Show next year.

I don’t call it a dog show because I’m not welcome.

And I have no desire to smell Martha Stewart’s dog’s butt.

Not with the all the broccoli she feeds him.

Clothespin time!

3 Comments

3 Comments

  1. Nancy Gale

    Mar 6, 2012 at 12:34 am

    Love it!

  2. Beverly Doty

    Feb 26, 2012 at 12:18 am

    Ralph, I just found you and I love you! I will be visiting you as often as I am in my website.
    As far as your question of “How come Humans…..”, It would be quite odd and require humans to be in strange positions, and possibly be naked,which I’m pretty sure would get us put in jail (like the Pound, for you). So, I think I will skip that bit of socialization for now, but thanks for thinking of us.

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