RALPH Speaks

Adults Only: I Need A Dogasm!

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I need a dogasm.

I haven’t had one since yesterday and frankly, it’s not enough.

My dog parent is sleeping now and I’m so wound up.

There’s nothing like a good dogasm for release.

What’s a dogasm you ask?


Next thing I’m going to have to explain where little puppies come from.

I thought I made this up but the Urban Dictionary says:

DogbellyrubI’m frustrated.
Every dog has a spot on their body, that when pet or rubbed, causes one of their hind legs to flutter back and forth.
(While I rub behind my dog’s right ear.) Honey, look at Harleigh, she’s having a dogasm.


When someone sees someone else’s incredibly cute dog and uses any combination of the following noises or utterances such as; ohh, awwwww, ahh and higher pitched ohhhh. This is usually followed by an exlmation of “Oh how cute!” “Can I hold you?” “I want one,” and “I love you!”
A girl walks by a cute puppy dog in a car window and says “Awwwwww, Ohhhh, He’s so cute! She goes on and on and then shudders a little, thus having a dogasm.


An overly enthusiastic display of affection by a dog toward its owner or another person
Every time we come home from work, Rusty has a dogasm all over the furniture, floor, and our pants.

Now I’ll take any of the three dogasms right now.

See how desperate I am.

My dog parent is still asleep and won’t wake up even when I go lick his face.

Yeah he let me outside to pee but he was still asleep when he did it.

A dogasm is going to require full alertness.

Now did you think a dogasm was something else?

Get your mind out of the gutter!

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1 Comment

1 Comment

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