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RALPH Speaks

Dog Farts? It’s Your Fault!

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It happens every time I settle down for a nap.

Comfortable quiet spot – check.

Favorite soft toy nearby – check.

Kinda full stomach – check.

And that’s when it all happens.

All of a sudden people running around in all directions holding their noses.

They point at me and sometimes they yell.

All I hear is “Ralph just farted.”

And they carry on like this even after the room is cleared.

Let me ask you a question, “Do I bolt from the room every time you fart?”

Do I call all of my friends on my D-Phone and tell them, “Oh, my owner just had chili and he’s floating above the couch.”

No, I don’t.

Look, you’re the one who feeds me.

And sometimes, the food you give me makes me fart.


And you’re hurting my feelings every time the exodus takes place when I fart.

I’m just getting comfortable.

And I’ll bet you on any day you fart more than I do.

Besides, we just learn to live with it. And I love you even when you fart.

My all time favorite food for farting is egg salad.

I don’t know why or how it does it but feed me egg salad and I could generate enough gas to overcome the Iran embargo.


By the way, I’d like to keep all my body parts. Check out this story next.

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  1. Avatar Of Ralph Ralph says:

    Jen, you get a scratch behind the ears.

  2. Avatar Of Jen



    LOL! Ralph, you have a good point. I’ll try to behave myself next time and just quietly suffer.

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