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It’s my favorite time of year – Spring Break.
It’s when I put on my jammies, grab my surf board, and flex my muscles for the babes.
The girls all come down pale from the winter.
They haven’t seen sun since Labor Day.
They see me on my board hanging paws and they all go gaga over me.
From the moment I hit the beach until I kiss them all good bye, we are inseparable.
You see, unlike the guys they meet in the bars, I won’t love them and leave them.
Nope. I’ll love them and love them.
And they’ll love me back.
We hang out in the bars at night singing and making new friends.
They have contests to see who can scratch my belly the longest.
I can hold out for a long time.
They tell me all their secrets.
I hear all about their boyfriends back home.
I hear about all their problems with their parents and how they wish they could get along better.
I’m a good listener.
And late at night, like a gentleman, I escort them back to their hotels, tuck them in at night, and sleep at their feet.
Parting is so tearful.
They all want to take me home with them.
“Ralph, they say. How can we live without you?”
I hold them, lick their faces, and promise them I’ll be here next year for them.
Because I’m the ultimate chick magnet.
So if you see me on the Fort Lauderdale Beach surrounded by the babes this week, don’t get too close.
So many women here for Spring Break – so little time.